My parenting journey

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So how did my parenting begin?

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I met a man who had a twinkle in his eye and just like any other meeting there was energy for sure.  After being in this relationship for about six years I had the thought "I am not going to get another chance so I had better have a baby now".  This thought then lead to me telling my partner I want to come off the pill.  Actually as I write this I realise that my parenting journey or more accurately my pregnancy journey began the first time I took the pill.  After a couple of seriously annoying morning after pill incidents I took to a more secure way of assuring I didn't get pregnant.  Condoms were not an option for my partner and I felt ok to take the pill.  I could still have periods and this was free on the NHS.  This was me as a woman deciding I did not want to be a parent but I did want to do everything involved in a sexual relationship.  I wanted to be free to enjoy penetrative sexual orgasmic relations without the potential of getting pregnant.  I didn't want to go through having an abortion after seeing friends go through this.  I was very much all about studying and my education.  It was only after having my daughter and splitting from her father 6 years after that I put my heart into my studying and saw the results of this in my distinction.  

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Anyway after being on the pill for many years I came off the pill and it was one year after that I had, what I believe, was a 4 week pregnancy loss where the pregnancy didn't quite take.  This was not for sure but my feeling is this.  I recall taking a pregnancy test and feeling confused as to why I wasn't getting pregnant and then got pregnant a month after.  I had three months earlier got a job with Bristol Genetics where I at just the right time was able to receive full maternity pay.  And had I got pregnant any earlier would not have been entitled to this.  After nearly one year of being on maternity pay I spent 11 years at Bristol Genetics.  Where me, my partner on occasion and my daughter were loved and nurtured.  This place was part of my vast village and provided more than just a job, it was who I had my baby shower with, it was where I split from my first love,  it was where I chatted through all my life's issues, it was the base for my health and also where I broke down as well. 

 

Well the positive pregnancy test after, suddenly now wanting to get pregnant.  I recall this process, seeing the two lines come up on the stick and then telling the father first and then my closest friend.  Then telling my mum and dad whom I lived with at the time.  I was still smoking at the time and I recall smoking a cigarette and knowing this would need to be my last one.  I recall driving to my partners workplace and feeling his uneasiness, hearing my friends congratulations and all my feelings also.

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All of this was prior to the life altering existence that is being the complete sole carer for a baby which is a full time job whether shared or not.  In fact it is the job of a village, this is 24/7 not 9-5!  The experience of my focus switching from my own life to the planning of another's, being pregnant, going through labour, breast feeding, newborn and up to where I am now which is teenager life.

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